I never want to take the people I love in my life for granted. Therefor, I'm going to make a list of people I never want to live without and the reasons why I love them so dearly. It's high time I gave my efforts to those who have earned it. (oooooh how I love lists!)

Mypops!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    He has been my sole support my entire life. He taught me to be self efficient and stable. He is honest, reliable, and loyal.  I am his number one, second to no one.

Jena                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          She has the strength and courage to defeat any obstacle. She doesn't stress trivial matters and lives well beyond her years. She sees the big picture.

Toryn                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   His heart is a million mile wide and he is entirely selfless. He isn't consumed by fad or trend like any other scummy teenager.  He is truly unique.

Lesley                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Never has there been a single moment that I've had to question her loyalty to our friendship.  She's never judged  my erratic emotions or behaviors when they do occur. When I feel crazy or hopeless, she calmly reminds me of my character and gives validation.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Sean                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   He is the most honest person I know. He  knows the value of his friends and he never takes for granted. His loyalties have been proven thrice over. He knows my secrets, my faults,  my traumas, and never falters.

Jasmine                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    No matter what we go through separately, regardless of arguments, through drifting to and from, we will always be connected. When plotting revenge, assigning relationship aspects to a business equation, strategy on any game plan, venting a paranoid theory, sharing any and all fears, she's always the one to make me feel normal. Forever my partner in crime and twin twister.

 Adam                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           He holds my heart with care, when I am no easy force to reconcile. He's honest even when I don't want to hear it. He's loyal when I'm not looking. He's the same person in the company of others. He misses me before I leave and appreciates the silly things I do when no ones watching. He swears gore movies make him love me more and can never wait long to have me back in his arms.

The more of human beings I learn, the more alien I become.

Preferring rationality and stability over emotions and feelings, I find my self baffled by current happenings. I seem to be experiencing some type of hormonal imbalance and a struggle to keep it all under the surface. My paranoia is raging like I've seldom seen within myself. It brought me back to that feeling I had in high school; the sensation of a demon fanning the flames and tearing it's way out. An unprecedented level of rage is rising with out any apparent antecedent. Themes of deceit are building themselves into catastrophic theories until I can hardly breath. I can't find purpose or meaning in the larger frame of things, just a intense feeling of insignificance. The term feeling resinates and I'm wanting burn it from myself; to cut it from my skin; to bleed for the demons appeasement. 

Analyze, Rationalize, and reconstruct every piece of creditable evidence to support this claim. A disorder manifests and impedes upon the ability to function within a society. Semantics? I'm functional by definition. My theories are plausible although paranoid, aren't they? I'm not sure any more. I'm not certain of how to determine reality and maybe that's a concrete way of thinking and it doesn't exist. What if existence is ephemeral and illusory and there really is no point in thought?